Thursday, July 25, 2013

Whale sharks and humpback whales!





It’s hard to believe we’ve already been at the Ningaloo Reef for a week and a half, and I would be depressed at the thought if I didn’t know we have another three weeks here.  As we drove into Exmouth after a long, hot day in the van, we were really dispirited to see the hordes of people overrunning the IGA and small strip of shops.  We had to be somewhere during the July school holidays, but we didn’t plan particularly well (or at all) to end up at the most popular tourist destination in the northwest at the most desirable time of year.  We would have waited the kids out in our lovely free campsite by the river near Onslow, but we ran out of cooking fuel, and the choice was either to backtrack 100 km or press forward.

Of the five or six caravan parks in town, we were told at the visitor’s centre that one might have a few spots remaining in their overflow lot.  We ended up paying what would be full rates elsewhere ($33) to park in a small patch of dirt without power or water, but I was grateful for the salty bore water shower and fish n’ chips at their small outdoor café.  Without any shade, it was just too hot to be in the van, much less cook.  It’s impossible to believe this is the coldest month of the year sometimes.

We’d been told at the visitor’s centre that we could line up at the national park from 6:30 am, and the ranger would fill the spots of those leaving the part on a first-come-first-served basis at 8 am.  We coasted out of the caravan park in neutral shortly after sunrise to arrive at the national park at 7 am and find five or six vehicles already in line.  We raised the pop-top, and I made some coffee and breakfast for the wait. 

Unfortunately, the coffee was a little too effective, and I began calculating how long I could wait before things got messy.  Unfortunately, by 7:30 am I was struck with a bad case of the poo sweats, and it was obvious immediate action was required.  Without much hope, I decided to see whether the port-a-loo behind the ranger’s hut was unlocked and set out with a wad of toilet paper.  To reach it, I had to walk a gauntlet of our fellow travellers.  Making it worse, as I squeezed past one lady, she stopped her conversation mid-sentence to follow me with her eyes.  I would normally have thought I was just being paranoid, but Eric was watching from the van and confirmed that she was watching me like Leroy used to eye a can of tuna.  At least I had some revenge later laughing when I overheard her telling someone that she was continuously eye raped by the miners in Karratha.  I don’t think anyone has been without action so long that her retired cankles would look good.

Of course, the port-a-loo was locked, leaving me with no option but to set off into the open plain with a shovel.  I found a smallish bush (but still clearly visible to any new arrivals to the queue) and had to laugh as I was digging.  I mean, as horrible as some situations are, you can’t help but see the comic value of the story in advance.  At least I avoided the more horrible option Eric suggested of pooping into a plastic shopping bag in the back of the van.  I may not be looking my finest in these days of infrequent showers and growing belly, but I do still attempt to retain some semblance of allure.  I reckon I could pull better than cankles in Karratha, anyway.

The wait was worth it, though, as Eric and I got the last spot for the day and were told that they could only squeeze us in as we are so tiny.  (I mean that Turquey is tiny compared to many of the other rigs, for those of you who are giggling about Eric’s and my midget status.  You’ll stop laughing when we breed the most successful jockey in generations.) 

We were slotted into Ned’s Camp, one of the dozen or so small campgrounds in the park.  On first inspection, we thought the place looked quite grim and exposed and wondered what the process was for trading up for a better spot.  However, after driving through some of the other campgrounds, we realised that Ned’s is probably the best one as at least it has a few trees.  I mean, the beach had a shark warning when we first arrived due to a dead dugong washed up on the beach, but at least the campground host had a sign advertising happy hour at 5 pm.

In fact, a few days after we arrived, the happy hour at Ned’s Camp was featured in a travelogue on channel 10 about Exmouth!  We obviously didn’t see it, but it was all the talk at happy hour for a couple of nights.  There are about fifteen sites at Ned’s, and I’d say on any given night, the campers from at least ten of those convene at the picnic tables on the beach to recount tales of fish that got away (and some that made it into the  supper pot) that day.  Hilariously, happy hour ends at 6 pm, about five minutes after sunset, as promptly as it begins at 5 pm. 


Many of the campers have been coming to this same spot for a month every year, some for 25-30 years.  Given that Eric and I both feel enjoy the company of older people, we never miss a happy hour, and a pregnant lady in a group who misses their grandchildren (although everyone is suspiciously happy there are no children in our camp) is warmly welcomed.  As lame as it sounds, we find ourselves rushing to get back to camp from the day’s activities for happy hour every afternoon.  We must crave both the structure to our day and the company of someone besides ourselves more than we realised. 

Each day, new arrivals are questioned about how many were in line that morning and what time they arrived.  Most days, there seem to be 12-15 vehicles in the queue, and people arrive at 4:30 or 5 am regardless of the rules.  Now we realise how lucky we were to rock up at 7 am and still get a spot!  And with only a few days’ seniority, we were able to move into a well-shaded spot. 

When the ranger asked how long we would be staying, I asked how long we were allowed to stay, thinking she would say three or four nights given the evident high demand.  We just chuckled when she responded that we could stay for 28 days, assured her we wouldn’t be staying that long, and paid for five nights since that was how much cash we had on hand.  After one day exploring a few of the myriad beaches in the park and one happy hour, though, we were already finding reasons why staying a month made sense.  At $14/night, the economy was unequivocal, and it seemed like kind of an adventure to join this bizarre community of nomads for an entire month. 


On our supply trip into Exmouth (about 50 minutes from Ned’s) the next day, we made our next baby appointment at the local hospital for a few weeks out and extended our stay at the ranger station.  For the moment, our lives are blissfully uneventful.  Every four or five days we go into town, have breakfast at our favourite café, stock up on groceries and drinking water, download emails, take $5 showers at the visitor’s centre, and then reward ourselves for our hard work with ice cream.  Since school holidays ended, it’s really not much of a chore since kids on pushbikes aren’t trying to run us down every five minutes, but ice cream is still the ultimate treat when you live in accommodation without a freezer.  On other days, we hike up into one of the two gorges and scramble to the top of a rock face to enjoy the view, take a long walk down a deserted beach, snorkel amongst the ridiculous variety of tropical fish, or just lay around camp reading and typing up long missives no one but me really ever wants to read.
Yardie Creek Gorge
Typical Ningaloo water with reef in the distance
Typical Ningaloo beach
Most days we eat our lunch staring out to sea and watching the whales spout and flip their tails just outside the fringing reef.  The Ningaloo Reef runs north to south for something like 290 km at distances ranging from just a few hundred metres to a kilometre off shore.  Inside the reef, the water is brilliant turquoise and clumps of coral just a few steps off the sand teem with more exotic fish than we saw in our day trip onto the Great Barrier Reef a few years ago.  Giant waves crash on the reef making Eric crazy with calculations of how likely he would be to drown on the paddle out to them or bash his head when tumbled by the first monster wave that crashed on him.  So far, my argument that I can’t raise this baby as a single mother has been compelling.  Just outside the reef are a constant parade of whales and I can’t imagine what other sea monsters.
Eric checking the surf conditions
Yesterday, we got to experience a bit of life outside the reef on our whale shark tour with 3 Islands.  Because it is so remote, Exmouth/Ningaloo is still relatively undeveloped despite the abundance of natural beauty.  In fact, the old timers say it was more crowded than it is now 15 years ago, around when my dad visited for work, when the US military had a strong presence.  Apparently, most of the neighbourhoods were made up of American families who are sorely missed given that they brought life to the town year-round and services like a bowling alley and swimming pool.  During summer now, it sounds like Exmouth is essentially a ghost town.

Anyway, because the area is not built up, there are only 12 tour operators in town, each of whom takes out up to 20 people per day to swim with the whale sharks.  They share spotter planes, work together for the four months a year that tours operate, and follow very strict guidelines to ensure that no individual animal is overly stressed.  All guests have to stay at least three meters from the fish, and you can’t dive below it or go farther forward than the side dorsal fins to avoid making it feel threatened.  To be fair, while it would be amazing to cuddle a whale shark, I was pretty happy to keep my distance from the 6-9 metre whale sharks we encountered, particularly knowing that each metre adds about a ton of force to its constantly swooshing tail.

When we started this trip, the three spots I was most excited to visit were Kakadu, the Bungle Bungles, and Ningaloo.  Eric questioned whether we should come this far north given the limited time we have, but I think he saw my wee chin wobble at the thought of missing out on all three spots just because I got knocked up.  I mean, no fair, given that I already can’t surf or cycle.  We were both worried that by the time we got here, I’d be too pregnant to swim with the whale sharks, but before we plunked down the $800 (worth every penny) the tour operator assured us that women “in all stages of pregnancy” had gone out with them, which made me picture women paying extra to experience a water birth with whale shark midwives.  Regardless, she was correct that it was no issue at all.  In fact, I coped much better than the group of Japanese girls who didn’t appear to have ever been in anything deeper than bathwater.

Wisely, the day started with an offshore snorkel within the confines of the reef to give people who haven’t been snorkelling before a chance to acclimate in calm waters and the guides an opportunity to figure out how to split guests into groups without overloading anyone with weak swimmers.  We saw a cod the size of an old Mini Cooper on that first snorkel, but otherwise I was disappointed as what we saw wasn’t that different from the snorkelling we’ve done from shore.  Combined with the first day of overcast skies since we’ve been here, a chilly breeze, and some trouble locating a first whale shark, I began to worry that our day was going to be unbearably lame.  At least all of the operators have a policy that allows you to return for a free trip within three years if you don’t swim with a whale shark on your designated day, but I suspect our next few years will be a bit busy.

I needn’t have worried.  Shortly after our first failed attempt, we were all lined up on our bums at the stern of the boat with flippers on waiting for the go signal from the spotter.  On her command, our group of ten entered the water and split into smaller groups of five to wait for the whale shark to pass beneath us and then to follow her away from the boat in a V formation around her tail.  It’s indescribable what it’s like looking through the surreally sapphire blue water at this gigantic face coming toward you out of the void.  I was worried about being able to keep up, but all of the whale sharks with whom we swam maintained a very casual pace, with slow, subtle whooshes of their massive tails enough to propel them forward with their coterie of remoras (and ten flippered, stunned human swimmers) in tow.  Our first whale shark was particularly accommodating, swimming in big circles for about 10 minutes before diving out of sight, meaning that it was more of a challenge maintaining a respectful distance than keeping up.


Mary is in pursuit!
All together, we swam with seven whale sharks, one of them twice.  The overcast skies actually played in our favour by improving the visibility of the water, enhancing the sharpness of photos, and, our guides swear, making the white spots that cover the whale sharks’ backs “pop”.  Given the guides’ constant use of the word “epic”, I reckon they have to find some way to make every day special so that tourists leave happy to have spent $400 each for the experience.  To be fair, others with whom I’ve spoken saw between two and four whale sharks, so our special day was “epic” in terms of volume…and really every other way, too, as far as I’m concerned.  As a special bonus of the overcast skies, despite never putting on sunscreen once, I’m not at all burnt today.  To be fair, I am so brown at the moment I’m not sure I could burn even in the full sun (not that I risk it – I promise I wear heaps of sunscreen every other day, Mum).


The first few whale sharks were at least a kilometre apart, meaning there was a lot of hauling ourselves out of the water, stripping off wetsuits, and getting warm only to be told there was a whale shark closing in and we needed to be in the water within a few minutes to catch it.  We had 10-15 minutes following a shark before it dove or the guides gave the “stop swimming” command to bring us all back into a group to watch it swim off into the distance.  After those first few, though, we hit the jackpot.  There were over 20 whale sharks surrounding our boat, and we swam after one and then another and another.  It’s so quiet, and the whale sharks are so serene, that you forget anyone else is in the water unless they whack you with a flipper as they sprint past trying to get a photo.  I swear gently flippering along behind a whale shark could be a kind of meditation.  One more active moment was when one started convulsing as it took in massive gulps of water, which our guide told us back on the boat was her way of cleaning out her gills. 


I was on the verge of giving in to the cold water and my own exhaustion when the guides decided we’d reached our quota of whale shark ecstasy.  Ironically, the tender had to collect us as there were so many whale sharks in the water than the larger boat couldn’t navigate to our location.  Anyway, we’d spotted a couple of large-ish silver tipped reef sharks circling below us, and I’d been stung on the lip by one of the magical jellies that were floating all around us, so I was ready to get out of the water.



I’m now obsessed with whale sharks.  The commonly live to be over 100 years old, and some have lived to see 150.  They don’t reach maturity until they are about 30 years old, but once they are fully mature, a female will carry up to 300 embryos at various stages of development simultaneously.  No wonder the females tend to be slightly larger than the males!  The ones with whom we swam were 6-9 metres long, although ones as long as 11 metres are regularly spotted in this area. 

As long as it’s done responsibly, swimming with them is the best way to encounter a whale shark as they don’t typically live longer than 3-4 years in captivity.  That made me feel really guilty about the ones I saw in aquariums in Okinawa and Atlanta.  It’s really tough to believe that in some poor countries near the equator they are fished to eat, although it’s tough to judge someone who’s hungry and surviving in an environment where their people have lived for generations.

When they finally hauled us aboard at 2 pm, I was happy to get into dry clothes and wolf down two plates of amazing salads followed by heaps of fresh fruit and some tasty cheeses.  While eating, Eric and I were watching as some humpback whales swam closer and closer the boat until they were spouting and coming well out of the water easily within ten meters of the boat in all directions.  A nursery pod had become curious about our boat and chosen to investigate. 

Usually, humpbacks swim in a threesome: mum, bub, and escort male (not mum’s mate or bub’s dad – what a guy), but occasionally groups will join to travel together a while.  The return trip from Antarctica to Darwin takes about a year, during which mum lives off her blubber.  It’s amazing they have enough energy to be curious about anything!  I thought I was going to die not getting lunch until after 2 pm, and I’m nowhere close to 20 meters long. 

We saw at least one very new baby, as they are only white on top for the first week or so following birth.  Ironically, a humpback calf is also not a very good swimmer.  I think the guide said something like 60,000 whales will make the calving trip north to warmer waters most years, leading this stretch of coast to be called Humpback Highway.  They tend to like to play around midday, which explains why Eric and I see so many when we’re eating our lunch on the beach each day. 

Being surrounded by whales at such close distance when it was completely unexpected was almost as much an attraction of the trip as swimming with the whale sharks.  Even after yesterday’s close encounter, I was still excited when we saw a plume of spume today walking on the beach.  Whales are freaking awesome. 

Triumphantly, we returned to camp just a few minutes after 5 pm and regaled the happy hour crew with tales of our wildlife adventures.  Sadly, seven sets of campers were celebrating their last happy hour last night, although that means we’ll have lots of quirky new personalities around the table tonight to entertain us.  And now we’re the old timers!

For those interested in a baby update, the Sea Monkey seems happy and healthy.  I feel for the poor kid, who is going to be told about all the cool things we did before she was born.  I’m addicted to feeling her kick and spend most of my idle moments with at least one hand on my abdomen in case she wants to chat.  It’s nice that she can let me know everything is ok in there now, even if she is getting increasingly cramped. 


She’s meant to double in size this month, and I felt like I had, too, when I saw myself in a dressing room mirror the other day.  It’s funny being pregnant but only seeing myself naked every couple of weeks.  Eric can’t believe I don’t feel super pregnant all the time, because I look that way to him.  I’m still squeezing myself between the cupboards in the back of the van ok, although I have to sit on the floor if I’m getting out more than a few things.  Other than that, though, everything is fabulous!
Increasing gourmet skills in the van - note Dot riding on Willie Nelson in the background (not sure about that)

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Pilbara

After our 9:30 am ultrasound appointment, Eric and I fled Busselton like a couple of criminals.  We really enjoyed our stay and look forward to coming back, but it made us think a little too much about returning to responsible living in a few months.  As excited as we are about having a baby, the whole “rent a place in Busselton and have a baby” thing has just been a scripted answer to what comes next so far.  For once, we kept driving into the night until responsibility and Perth were far behind us.

From the ultrasound, it looks 95% likely we’ll be having a little girl.  Using “she” in our conversations makes things a little more real than just “the baby” or “Sea Monkey”, and the first time I thought a sentence starting with, “Our daughter” it really freaked me out.  Not in a bad way, but just a jolt of reality that I won’t be pregnant forever – eventually we have to deliver as parents, in more than one sense of the word. 

I’m delighted that we’re having a little girl, mainly because I won’t have to sit through any cricket games, and because I think I might have more to share with her from my own experiences (read: mistakes), but it’s hard to imagine how the news would be met in other parts of the world.  Having come this far, I can’t imagine now pulling the plug just because she didn’t have a penis.  It made me wonder how the mums feel about that decision, particularly given how it reflects on their own value as women.

To escape the cold, we had several long days on the Great Northern Highway.  In between the roadhouses were mostly just dead, bloated cows and plastic bottles of trucker piss.  For entertainment, Eric and I kept the CB radio on scan.  At the beginning of this trip we thought we might learn Spanish, but instead we find ourselves trying to translate Australian.  You’d swear it wasn’t English, except that I recognise every other word as some form of “f*ck”, which is a very familiar part of my vocabulary.  It’s no wonder the truckers are chatty – I’d kill myself if my job was to drive 18 hours a day up and down that highway every week.

Watching out for passing road trains three and four trailers long, which damn near blow little Turquey off the road, and oncoming machinery being towed to the mines that takes up both lanes helped to keep us alert.  When a warning truck here tells you a wide load is behind, you get ready to pull over.
One of the types of equipment being towed along the Great Northern Highway - for perspective, notice Eric by the right  corner
We stopped in a few mine towns, which are literal oases in the desert.  I was particularly excited to visit Tom Price, since that was the name of my 5th-7th grade math teacher who I tormented but who somehow loved me anyway: poor retired Air Force pilot teaching a handful of Catholic school hoodlums in the old boys’ locker room.  He kept me after class one day to enlist my help, telling me that if I would behave, the other kids would, too, but I was much more interested in my peers’ entertainment than making his job any easier. 

We spent a record four nights at Karijini National Park.  One of the big disappointments of not following our original route was missing the Bungle Bungles, but I think Karijini almost makes up for that.  We hiked, climbed, and waded through ice cold water into every gorge we could, laughing as the Adelaide doctor’s voice echoed in our heads, “You’d never forgive yourself if…”  I just took it easy and did as much of the trip on my ass as necessary, and it was difficult to feel too tough when there were eight year old kids down there.  Aussie kids are rock stars; I don’t remember scrambling down too many steep rock faces as a kid to then bump down rocky waterfall into a gorge.  I hope I’m as brave a parent and don’t have the kid home suffocating in a giant bubble.
Karijini rocks
Note tiny Eric in the left corner - he inched over there along the edge

My Spider Monkey
Step careful, little mamma - note that I have no idea my belly is sticking out the bottom of my shirt
A lookout over four gorges, two of which we could hike into
Note the little metal pole by the waterfall that you had to shimmy down
Eric has to swim in every freezing pool of water he comes across - crazy
On leaving Karjini, we rolled briefly through Port Hedland, the northernmost stop on our trip, but after a nice lunch in an old railcar (becoming a theme on our travels) we kept on trucking.  Not stopping made for a long, hot day, so we were willing to pay $50 for a site in a bursting caravan park in Point Samson, just outside Karratha.  It’s quite a shock to pay so much for a narrow strip of grass after being the only people in most national parks down south, but then again, these people clearly figured out earlier than us where you didn’t have to sleep with a ski cap on to keep from freezing.
Salt mine in Port Hedland
One benefit of joining the grey nomad herd is that we’re getting to meet a few more people.  At Karijini, we met a lovely Swedish couple who are academics studying autism in Perth and an Alaskan who does fly-in-fly-out from Anchorage to the mines, and at Point Samson we spent the evening comparing travel plans with a one-legged Kiwi.  We’re a bit of an anomaly on the road, though.  Most travellers are backpackers in their very early 20s or retirees over 60, although you don’t run into too many backpackers in $50/night caravan parks.  That’s fine by us as we find we have more in common with the older set despite their being farther from us in age.

Best of all, though, was a luxurious two-night stay with a Melbourne friend’s family in Karratha.  Jason is one of the nicest people either of us has ever met, so we were reasonably sure his family couldn’t be too scary.  We so enjoyed their company that we stayed up until midnight the first night and 11 pm the second night.  That would surprise anyone who knows us, and that was before we spent four months living in a van during winter, when it gets dark at 5:30 pm and bedtime comes early.  Johan and Marlene immigrated with Jason and his gorgeous sister, Bronwyn, from South Africa a couple of years before Eric and I came over from the US, and it was interesting comparing notes on differences we’ve observed and things we miss from back home.  They really made us feel relaxed, and we left feeling clean and refreshed.  Marlene even gave me some of her Rooibos tea that I so enjoyed and then read online was highly recommended for pregnant women.  Something to sip at night in place of red wine…
The Beelders
While in Karratha, we made a day trip out to Dampier, where the real Red Dog roamed and the movie based on one slice of his life was filmed.  I really enjoyed the movie but couldn’t imagine when watching it ever being somewhere so remote.  I’m still not sure I could live there unless I knew it was for a limited time…during the winter. 
Red Dog!
On Marlene’s suggestion, we had lunch at a snack bar overlooking the ocean with a heap of guys in the fluoro site outfits that seem to be a uniform for every male and many females over 16 in this part of the country.  Given that Eric’s closet has been a row of the same fluoro for the past year, we feel right at home.  Every town we pass through is dominated by some mine-related industry, and we’re glad to have had a glimpse into the engine that is driving Australia’s economy, but it makes you wonder what will happen to these towns if demand for natural resources from developing countries diminishes.

As nice as our visit with Jason’s family was, it’s always nice to get “home” to the van, particularly when our laundry is clean and we can’t smell each other yet.  We headed back inland to Millstream Chichester National Park, which although less dramatic than Karijini, is still a gorgeous spot.  I’m not sure I’d feel the same if we were in the region during the part of the year when temperatures near 50 degrees every day, but I’ve really enjoyed bumping along the dirt roads through the Pilbara. 
Home sweet home
Millstream Chichester
The best way to see an entire national park
We spend a lot of our time hugging the coastline, and I think we generally think of the beach as scenic, but it’s the inland areas I’ve enjoyed most on this trip so far, particularly the Flinders Ranges, the Nullarbor, and the Pilbara.  Maybe in part those areas seem beautiful because we didn’t have high expectations, or maybe just because it’s so different.  We’ve seen beautiful beaches in a number of countries, but the green brush contrasting with red dirt, fields of wildflowers, and giant termite mounds create a landscape you wouldn’t ever mistake for any other area of the world. 
Termite mound - they come out at night many feet from their mound and then block the entrance to their tunnels when they return home
Sturt desert peas are everywhere
We did have a comic interlude at Millstream Chichester.  Over coffee the first morning, I blearily told Eric I hadn’t slept much because some animals spent all night trying to get into the van.  As I reached for the pancake mix, it became clear that a mouse had actually spent the night inside the van.  On the second night, Eric slept in thick leather gloves and jumped up to try to catch the little guy every time he heard him in a cupboard.  Exhausted from the night before, I slept through most of his antics, but I saw enough to laugh at the idea of him catching the little guy with his hands.  Fortunately our stowaway jumped ship before we bought mousetraps in the next town.


Now we’re spending a few days in the tiny beach town of Onslow, transitioning from desert to the Coral Coast.  I’m really excited to get down to Exmouth since my dad’s been talking about it since he participated in joint exercises with the RAAF there almost 15 years ago, but we’ve decided to stay here an extra day to participate in a town dinner tonight.  A chef of some renown, Mark Olive, will be cooking up a free feast using ingredients and techniques the Aboriginal communities have been using since we were all living in caves – should be a treat!  Anyway, it’s no hardship to stay in this caravan park by the sea, even if it is $45 a night for basically a parking spot in the dirt.  Two weeks of school holidays started this past Monday, so we can expect crowds and high prices until at least the end of the month.  Who cares as long as I have a nice view from my lawn chair!
Onslow Museum, typical of the town museums we've been visiting, was a bargain at $2 for entry.  Lots of random artifacts, like the homemade submarine from the 1950s - no explanation of why it was built, by whom, or if he died in it.

Book report 5

Wolf Hall and Bring up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel
I’ve been waiting to read these books, which are the first two in a trilogy, for some time.  Mantel won the Booker Award for one or the other, and novels based on historical events are my favourite type of fiction. 

I was pretty confused throughout the first book as I thought the series was about Oliver Cromwell, and the story kept revolving around a Thomas Cromwell.  I assumed he was just backstory and we were working forward a few generations, but the books are actually about the wives of Henry VIII: a story in which I would probably have been more interested anyway, but perplexing when you’re waiting for an overthrow of the monarchy.  Thomas was one of Henry’s key advisors and was instrumental in helping him to devise ways to dispose of his wives.

Wolf Hall begins with Henry’s first wife, Katherine, and her daughter, the future Mary Queen of Scots, cooling their heels in separate castles as he negotiates with the Pope to marry his mistress, Anne Boleyn.  What I didn’t realise was that Katherine was Henry’s brother, Arthur’s, widow, and he’d spent years wheedling with the Pope to be allowed to marry her in the first place as it was considered incest.

The eventual arrangement was that the marriage between Katherine and Arthur was never consummated due to Arthur’s early death, so she was free to marry Henry.  To then rid himself of Katherine, Henry argued that she and Arthur had consummated their marriage, so the 18 years and five children Henry shared with Katherine were illegitimate.  However, to avoid having been wrong in his previous suit, Henry’s people had to argue that Katherine had been unaware of her sexual activities with Arthur.  Maybe they had roofies back then or something. 

Katherine refused to go quietly and fought the decision to the end. What she didn’t realise was how lucky she was to be left mouldering in a remote castle; she couldn’t foresee the fate of Henry’s other wives.

Bring Up the Bodies begins with the same strong personality that drew Henry to Anne repulsing him and pushing him toward the docile Jane Seymour.  Of course, he’s only months into his marriage to Anne, which he’s fought eight long years and broken with the Catholic Church to affect.  Anne’s also failed to produce a live male heir, which is obviously her fault entirely.  Fortunately for Henry, Anne was a flirt who surrounded herself with male admirers, all of whom plus a few others went down with her in the adultery suit that nullified her marriage to Henry.  For good measure, and to avoid Henry looking the fool, she was also accused of witchcraft, having kept Henry under a spell for roughly a decade to achieve her position.

I’m not sure how Henry will get through two more wives in the last book, but I’ll be reading it as soon as it comes out.  Although I didn’t enjoy the books as much as I’d anticipated, and not just because we never got to Oliver, they still kept me up through naptime on several afternoons.  Mantel cleverly brings modern wordplay and humour into the dialogue without making it stilted, although I have no idea how realistic it is, and it’s just a fascinating story that can only be believed when you think about the fact that most of Henry’s subjects had no access to reliable information about what was happening at court.

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
Like any good NPR listener, I’m familiar with Sedaris through his frequent contributions to This American Life.  While I didn’t enjoy his book of animal fables, Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, I always like his autobiographical stories on This American Life so expected to enjoy this book.  While I did enjoy the book, I was disappointed to find that at least 60% of the chapters had either been read aloud on This American Life or when we saw him perform in Melbourne last year.  I wanted to more humourous tales of his awkward upbringing as a gay Greek boy or his adventures with his partner, Hugh, in Paris!  Readers not already familiar with the stories in this book, though, are sure to enjoy it.

Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie
I list Salman Rushdie as one of my top three favourite fiction writers, rounded out by Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Vladimir Nabokov, all of whom make prose sound like poetry.  Like many of his readers, the fatwa issued for The Satanic Verses is what lead to my interest in his books, although I’m not sure he’d think the ten years spent in insolation were worth it (see his recent autobiographical account, Joseph Anton, his code name under protective custody).  Like anyone who actually read The Satanic Verses, I realised that he was just asking the same questions about religion that many of us ask rather than being a heretic, and that most of all he’s just a compelling writer of fantastic adult fairy tales.  And I don’t even typically enjoy fantasy. 

Given all of that, I’m going to blame my state of mind instead of his writing for not enjoying this particular book as much as some of his others.  I got a bit lost in the constant stream of characters with confusing names, and I found the idea of a travelling princess whose beauty was so astounding that entire populations came under her control a bit hard to swallow.

World War Z by Max Brooks
I read a positive review of this book in either Esquire or Vanity Fair, both of which I devour as soon as each new issue become available on the iPad, and was intrigued by the fact that the author is Mel Brooks’ and Anne Bancroft’s son.  Eric raced through it before we saw the Brad Pitt film, but I was still mired in The Enchantress of Florence and figured I’d better not let myself get distracted.  Fortunately for me, the book and the movie overlap about 5%.  I’m not sure why the production company even bothered buying the rights to the book, although I understand the original script did follow the book more closely but was significantly altered to build in more action and the potential for multiple sequels.  Sigh.

The book would have been difficult to make into anything but an artsy, conceptual film that wouldn’t appeal to their target market of bored pre-teens, though.  Each chapter is presented as an interview with someone who has played a role in fighting off the zombie apocalypse, from an officer aboard a nuclear submarine that dove deep to surface a year later to a mum who took control of security in her community.  Most interesting are the chapters that talk about how the disease spread and how the governments of different countries worked to contain the outbreak.  The dialogue was a bit overblown, but the myriad facets Brooks thought through and the creativity of how he presented it made the book worth reading. Plus, now I’m a bit more prepared for when zombies attack.

Dirt Music by Tim Winton
I was told back in Melbourne that I had to read this book whilst in Western Australia, and I do like to read books set in the places to which I travel.  I really enjoyed the first 60% of this book, which described life in a small fishing village an hour north of Perth.  While a different industry to mining, what we’ve seen recently made it easy to relate to a story about small-town people suddenly earning big incomes and the politics that can develop when that is based on finite resources. 

I was summarising the plot thus far to Eric, who then realised he’d read the book a few years ago and pronounced it a “chic book”.  I defensively ask how a fishing book could be a “chic book”, to which he responded that I should wait and see.  As usual, he was right.  Once the scene was set, the remainder of the book delved into why each character was a tortured soul with their own set of existential dilemmas.  I’m not even sure a group of people this screwed up could all exist in the same small town.  It was one of those books where you just want to shake the characters and tell them to stop making their own lives miserable.

Worst of all was the romantic element between two characters who basically shared a quick shag in a hotel room, another morning quickie at the house, and then a less sexy session where the primary female character burnt ticks out of the primary male character.  I just have a hard time believing that those limited interactions were sufficient to create a deep, binding love that could drive the remaining events in the book, which detail their contrived but predictable path to being together. 

That they would end up together was fairly obvious from early in the book, but the drama of the ending was still hard to swallow.  As I don’t recommend the book, I’ll tell you that the female lead in involved in a plane crash in a remote area where the male lead just happens to be kayaking at that exact moment.  He dives to the bottom of the ocean to extract her from the wreckage, and then she has to use her nursing skills to revive him back on the boat.  It’s too bad Australia doesn’t have Lifetime, because this would make a great made-for-TV movie.

His Illegal Self by Peter Carey
Alongside Tim Winton, Peter Carey is one of Australia’s most famous authors.  Similar to Dirt Music, I enjoyed the first 60% of Oscar and Lucinda a couple of years back, before the characters kept making their lives more difficult, so I picked this free book up in the caravan park office.  I read it in 24 hours, so it was obviously sufficiently well-written to keep my attention. 


It’s told from the perspective of a rich 7-year-old boy from New York City who is “accidentally” abducted by a former revolutionary and transported to a jungle commune in rural Queensland.  Carey cleverly avoids boring us with the logistics and mental leaps that facilitate the abduction by recounting most events from the boy’s perspective.  It wasn’t great literature, but it was at least entertaining, so I’ll leave the ending out of this one but will just say it’s a bit disappointing.